Emily Auerbach: So they were married secretly?

Prof. Schulenburg: Right. They then returned to Paris. And again they leave Astrolabe with Abelard's sister. And they have this secret marriage at Notre Dame in an early morning ceremony. And Heloise is only 18 at this point. And Abelard is probably about 38. And this marriage takes place in the presence of a few friends and Uncle Fulbert.

And it was to remain a secret marriage. But of course, having several people there and having Uncle Fulbert there, there's this problem with someone betray them. And of course you could count on Uncle Fulbert to carry out this role, because again the secret marriage as Heloise had predicted would not appease Uncle Fulbert's honor.

Fulbert wasted no time to divulge this secret. Heloise then swore that nothing was more false. So she perjurers herself and says that they were not married. And so we have all of these scenes occurring between Fulbert and Heloise.

And it's at this point then that Abelard felt that it was necessary to intervene and do something about it, to put an end to this. He sent Heloise off to the convent of Argenteuil for asylum. But he sent her off in a nun's habit. This was an obvious choice to send her to Argenteuil, because future meetings could be arranged between Abelard and Heloise at this monastery.

And we know that Abelard couldn't stay away from Heloise at Argenteuil. He mentions the sacrilege of making love in the convent dining room. And so we wonder what Abelard actually was thinking about when he sent Heloise off in nun's robes to Argenteuil, because she could have stayed at the convent indefinitely without wearing the nun's habit.

But maybe Abelard thought it would provide greater protection from Uncle Fulbert. But the end result brought about disastrous consequences. And Fulbert naturally assumed that Abelard was now trying to get rid of Heloise.

And this then was the immediate cause for Fulbert's horrible revenge, which is described in some detail by Abelard in History of My Calamities.

Norman Gilliland:"When they heard this that I had had Heloise sent off as a nun to a convent, her uncle and his relatives and friends thought that I had now very much deceived them, and had conveniently rid myself of her by making her a nun.

They bribed one of my servants with money and one night they took from me a most cruel and shameful vengeance as I was resting and sleeping in the inner room of my lodging. This punishment the world has learned with the greatest astonishment. For, they cut off those parts of my body by which I had committed the deed, which sorrowed them. They turned at once in flight.

Emily Auerbach: So the physical side of the relationship can't continue. And that had seemed to be the dominate one, given Abelard's descriptions. But was there more to this relationship between Abelard and Heloise? I mean was this a relationship between two soul mates in a sense?

Prof. Schulenburg: After Abelard's "greatest misfortune," it seems that his feelings for Heloise are quite different, although Heloise continues to love him. She accuses him of simply crass, sexual love rather than a friendship or soul mate relationship. And so it seems that it was uneven. I think that the letters do bear this out.

Emily Auerbach: We've left Heloise in the nunnery pretending to be a nun. What does she do now?

Prof. Schulenburg: Well after Abelard's castration, Heloise took vows at Abelard's command and she felt really rushed into this decision. And she had absolutely no sense of vocation. They had been together only 18 months. And Heloise was very young. She was only 19 years old when she renounced all hope of a further life outside of the convent walls.

According to Abelard, she refused to listen to those who in pity tried to dissuade her from becoming a nun. And rather in the tradition of the twelfth century Renaissance, rather in despair, following the ideal of past heroes, she wept and quoted from the Roman stoic, Lucien, saying Cornelia's last words before her suicide after the death of her husband Pompeii.

She hurried to the altar and Heloise then quickly took up the veil and publicly bound herself to the life of a nun. And so here we see not a concept of vocation, but rather tragic despair.

Emily Auerbach: A last resort.

[musical interlude]

Prof. Schulenburg: Her first letter to Abelard really is in response to finding out about this tell-all book, The History of My Calamities. And she's of course very upset, because she has not heard from Abelard for more than 12 years and we can find in her correspondence the fact that Abelard was a changed man, spiritually changed and of course physically changed. Heloise still is very young and she has no vocation for this religious life. And she describes how tormented she is by her love for Abelard. She says: "Wherever I turn, there, always there before my eyes, bringing with them awakened longings and fantasies, which will not even let me sleep." And so it's the soul in torment.

Emily Auerbach: This is Heloise's first letter to Abelard: "To her master, or rather her father, husband, or rather brother, his handmaid, or rather his daughter, wife, or rather sister, to Abelard, Heloise. Not long ago, my beloved, by chance someone brought me the letter of consolation you had sent to a friend your History of My Calamities.

I saw at once from the superscription that it was yours. And was all the more eager to read it, since the writer is so dear to my heart. I hope for renewal of strength at least from the writer's words, which would picture for me the reality I have lost.

But nearly every line of this letter was filled, I remember, with gall and wormwood, as it told the pitiful story of our entry into religion and the cross of unending suffering which you my only love, continue to bear."

Prof. Schulenburg: Heloise is an abbess and a strong leader of her community. And on the outside, looks like a perfect nun. But inside of course she's still very much tormented by their former love affair, which bothers her at every moment, every turn of her life.

Emily Auerbach: Heloise continues: "You know, beloved, as the whole world knows how much I have lost in you. How at one wretched stroke of fortune, that supreme act of flagrant treachery robbed me of my very self in robbing me of you. And how my sorrow for my loss is nothing compared with what I feel for the manner in which I lost you.

Surely the greater the cause for grief, the greater the need for the help of consolation. And in this, no one can bring but you. You are the sole cause of my sorrow, and you alone can grant me the grace of consolation.

You alone have the power to make me sad, to bring me happiness, or comfort. You alone have so great a debt to repay me, particularly now when I have carried out all your orders so implicitly. That when I was powerless to oppose you in anything, I found strength at your command to destroy myself.

I did more, strange to say. My love rose to such heights of madness that it robbed itself of what it most desired beyond hope of recovery. When immediately at your bidding, I changed my clothing along with my mind in order to prove you the sole possessor of my body and my will alike.

God knows I never sought anything in you except yourself. I wanted simply you, nothing of yours. I looked for no marriage bond, no marriage portion. And it was not my own pleasures and wishes I sought to gratify as you well know, but yours. The name of wife may seem more sacred or more binding, but sweeter for me will always be the word mistress, or if you will permit me, that of concubine or whore.

I believe that the more I humbled myself on your account, the more gratitude I should win from you and also the less damage I should do to the brightness of your reputation."

[Continued on Page Four]

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